Failure

There right you know, about me. I don’t even know if I’m sick anymore, or if I just don’t want to go to school… All my teachers that said I will never make it? There probably right. I wouldn’t be surprised. I waste my time holed up in my room, sick.

I don’t even know if I really am sick. I probably am not. I’m probably fine, and I’m just ditching class. So what if I feel the bile rising in the back of my throat. Other kids in my school puke in the morning, and still make it on time, ready to go, to learn. Me on the other hand, I’m nothing like that.

I’m pathetic. I’m worthless. I am nothing of importance. Not real importance. In this world I’m hardly a spec. hardly anything. If I don’t make it no one will know. My name won’t go down in the history books proclaiming my failure to be someone. I am of no importance in the greater scheme of things.

My feelings matter about as much as knowing the exact number of ants in a colony. I matter as much as an electron.

I am the electron that jumps form the door handle to your skin. I am the tiny partial that gives you that startling shock. I am what you try and stay away from. I am the reason you go down plastic slides on your feet, so each bolt you touch won’t hurt you.

I am the dust between your keyboards. I’m a nuisance, but I’m also hardly noticed. At any given chance you would clean me out, and I would be gone. No one would notice, or care. No one would think twice about the speck of dust that had been ripped away from where it rests.

 I would no longer hear the clicking of the keys as you type out your message. I would no longer feel safe. I wouldn’t be tucked safely away where no harm would come. I would be exposed, and demolished, replaced by a different speck of dust that would eventually settle where I once rested. I do not matter.

I am no one. Yet, I have a name. They call me Rose where I live, well… those who notice. Some don’t even know my name. Some don’t even see me as I pass by. Not even those who I see as friends. I do not matter. I am nothing.

I am worthless. They were right when they said I would never make it. I’m tardy to school already in the first three weeks of high school. I’m also absent one of those days. I will inevitably fall behind. I will fail, and fail again. There is no happy ending for me. There is nothing for me.

They are right. I will never make it in this life. I will fail, just as predicted.