Yes two in one day... But this is about boys ;)

HEY! Ok happy attidude is back! :D
Well, I thought ya'll would like to know THAT I went on my first date on the twenty first.

Now, as all dates go, there were good things and... bad things :,(


First the good!
Eh, the good can just be what we did. Well, first we went bowling. That only lasted for so long, and let me say, we both failed epicly at it! I won the first game with about fifty points, and he won the second game with about forty... Ya, neither of us can bowl! Well, I bowled right into the gutter about eight times in a row (beat that)

When we were done bowling we walked over to baskin 31 robins! He bought me icecream. No, we didn't share. On our way out we ran into my friend Skylar! I just gave her a hug and then we both walked over to Panara and got free glasses of water.

The rest really isn't exciting. I'm not sure it can really be counted as a date. It just seemed like we were friends and nothing more. Reason being? After Panara we walked down to Game Stop, where he deposited the last six dollars he had into his account.

I got to choose where we went next! We went... to BAM. Don't know what that is? Well it stands for books a million! There we just kind of wandered around talked about the zombie appocolipse (we did that a lot) I bought a book (Speak by Laurie Anderson) and we went nnext door to the... Dollar Tree!!!

Ya, not that exciting! XD well, we goofed off there for a good half hour, then we walked down to the unfinished put put place! Not much to do there, so soon we walked all the way back to the bowling ally. The last part of our adventure? We walked in the direction of his Dad's mexican resturant. Then my mom called me and we walked back to the bowling ally and we both went home (there was no hugging, no hand holding, no nothing, just talking.)

Now for the bad...
He was fourty five minuets late to the bowling ally. Yes, I waited that long for him to arrive. And yes, I shed a tear or two thinking that he wan't going to show.

You wondering where wli was? At the store with his mom.

And from what I collected during the date, he never told his mom he had one! Thus, he was late. Ugh, boys.

Alright that's it for today!
~Rose

Life can really suck

Everyone today is just so damn happy. I finally figured out why, they hide the fact that they aren’t.

You see, I haven’t known this because I’m so… out about how I feel. I always tell at least someone that I’ve had thoughts of suicide when the thought occurs… Yet, I’ve decided not to do it this time, not to tell anyone.

I always bother and worry so very many people whenever I release that information. I’m so sick of it! I HATE making people upset. I HATE worrying others.

I don’t want depression anymore. I want money so that my parents aren’t always on edge, so that my mom doesn’t cry, so that my dad can be healthy, so that… I don’t have to be the only one to talk me out of suicide.

I’m… disgusted by my house one hundred percent grossed out with the way things are. I’ve thought a few times about sending a video in to those ‘fix the house’ people, but we would never be chosen! We don’t do anything to help the community (other than spend the money we hardly have). Hell, we don’t even go to church anymore!

I don’t want to have conversations with myself in the shower discussing the pros and cons of suicide.

If we could.. fix, the problem… then I, I… (Fuck it) I wouldn’t be the way I am! MY ENTIRE HOUSE HOLD WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER!!!! I don’t hate my life, but I wouldn’t exactly want anyone else to go through it.

I don’t know. Part of me hopes that if I post this then someone will magically come to my rescue. Of course I know that won’t happen, there are only so many good people in this world, and after that? Only a handful would actually be able to help. Most likely, I’ll be sent back to my therapist.

No, what will most likely happen is no one will read this and I'll have just posted this to add more crap to this blog.

Ugh, well thanks for reading my rant. Later guys

~Rose

*p.s. sorry for the language*

Siblings

So, I've been thinking about writing a book about how to deal with siblings, but since I only have so much to say, I decided that it would do more good here.

Lets say that you and your sibling don't have the best relationship, the first step to making it better is to stay calm. Try your best not to yell at them keep your head and think through how you're going to respond to their behaivor.

After awhile your sibling will respond to this with the same behaivor! Soon enough you'll be the best of friends! Well... you'll be siblings...

Hope this works!!
~Rose

There is still good in this world

Where there is love and kindness, there is life.