Bad Day

My Tech teacher, Mr. Livesay, told me that I will never make it in highschool.

No kidding, he actually said that to me! He was putting in grades from this sumester and he calls me to his desk, looks at what I've completed, and states "you need to get that under controll. If you can't then you're never going to make it in High School. I've done the best I can but all I can give you is a B." And While he says that 'He's helped me the best he can' he's acting as if I'm some hopeless child that will never make it in life. Well, by stating that I will never make it in highschool it's just like saying I'm going to fail in life.

In his class we have to do at least three stations to get a good grade, I only completed one because I was never at school. Because I was sick. But the station I did complete was one of the most difficult, time consuming, pain in the ass staitons there were!

Anyways, the point is he voiced my greatest fear. Thats what I fear most about Highschool. I fear not being able to complete the tasks given to me because I'm not there to recieve them.

 *sigh* ever since i started fifth grade I've been hearing those words, "you're never going to make it in highschool if you can't even make it to school" Ok, yes, that makes sense! But HELLO I'm unhealthy! I've joked about comming to school while I was sick and I've been yelled at because of it! I can't catch a break! What is their problem!?

I just realised this...

Teachers and principals are always trying to make sure the kids are learning in a safe invironment, where the child has no fear of being harassed. And they've done a pretty good job of it to! (at least in my school system) No one gets into trouble because everyone lives in 'peace' with each other. All bullying is nipped in the bud before it can become a full out Haters war.

But what if that child isn't bullied by the students, but by the teachers? All odds are against them, espically if everyone agrees. What power do we have? If it's one teacher then obiously you can just 'tattle' and be done with them. But what if it isn't just one teacher? What if it's all of them? What if they pull you out into the hallway and imply repeatiedly that you are not fit to be apart of their class.

What do you do then?

I'll tell you, you listen. You listen, and then you go find yourself a nice bathroom to cry in. Sometimes you don't even have a chance to do that. If you don't? Then you go home and some sort of 'accedent' happens and your body misterisly has red painfull looking scars scattered about. Who know's how they got there... could have been anything.

There's no way to 'fight the power'. There's a reason there called 'the power'.

Who agrees with them? When you're out of school for a certen amount of time, and you come back you should have all of your work done and ready to turn in. Well I do. I agree. I just can't do it. Because I'm SICK There's a REASON I've been out of school! I swear I'm not just skipping! They don't understand how much LIFE I miss because of my defective body.

Examples being:
I missed the valentines dance this year because I was sick with strep throat.
I missed going to the lake with my friends becaue I had micro plasma
I've missed sleepovers and movie premears and park days because of some viris
I can't go outside for too long In the summer because I'll get light headed
I can't sit down in the grass
Durning over night feild trips I'm pulled out of an activity for a few minuets so that I can take all of my medicen
I can't eat pizza
I can't eat anything with red die 40 in it

I just... want it to all go away. I want to be healthy like my friends are, and I want to be able to enjoy a nice day in the sun without getting sick because of the heat/pollen about.

I really want to be better.Trust me, I go to school whenever I can.

~Rose

Sick

Hey there people of Earth (and anywere else you might be) How's it goin? Well for me? It's alright.
I just want to post here that I've been sick for like most of my life! I hate it so much.

When I was little I would always have sinus infections and migranes oh and don't forget some minor dyslexia. yay. Well, My teachers would always be so pissed with me because I was always complainig about how I didn't feel good and they just didn't care. I had to beg to be able to go to the nurse, and then she would turn me away because I didn't have a tempature (I hardly ever have a tempature) so anyways my mom took me to the doctor atlease once a week and they couldn't find out what was wrong with me.

They said I was perfectly healthy. Well obiously not! I would be poked and prodded untill they got enough blood to be satisfyed for the next... hour or so. Then the tests would come back negative and I would go back to loose some more of my blood!

It took me about twelve specialists to get to were I am today. I take about five pills every night for the regular stuff, and then I'll usually have some other antibiotic with that to help with some other problem.

Did I mention that I also have major depression? It's not an easy thing to live with (unless you have the right medication) I've come to a neer end a few times already before they figured out (this year) that I have depression. They figured out (about two years ago) that I get migranes. They started me on shots for allergies (once a week every week. One shot in each arm). I also have a bunch of trouble sleeping insomnia I suppose so they have me on this little white pill to help with that.

Then, I have the other meds for when I have strep throat, walking phnomia, the commen cold, the flu, mono... I think thats it. (well for now) oh ya and the regular sinus crap that I get from all the pollen in the air.

Lets see... I get at lease three pills for when I have strep. One is the anitbiotic and the other two are counter antibiotics to keep the first pill from screwing up my digestive system. Walking phnomia... well actually lets just assume that all of the other desieses are just ten times worse cause I through up. So theres anti nausia medicen sometimes shots to help me fend off this crap and well, the usual.

My favorite medicen is sleep <3 It works wonders.

Now with all of that said, I still live. I'm still alive. I'm still going. It isn't easy, but I'm able to do it with the help of my friends, my family, and that innervoice that is annoying as hell. You know, the one thats always like 'keep going! You can do it! Don't give up!!!' and you're just like 'uuuuuugggggghhhhh' Ya that one.

I miss a lot of school, I basically have to teach myself some of the material, my teachers get super pissed because I won't turn in the homework that they gave me the very day I get back, I miss out on spending time with my friends, and so so much more. But, It's all worth it for those days when I am alright. Those nights when I stay up till three in the morning goofing off with my friends. It's worth the effort to keep fighting for all the times that warm fuzzy feeling kicks in, and you know that everythings going to be alright in the end.

Ya, it's deffinitly worth it.

Random update

Oh, oh oh ooooohhhh :( headace! bad one! Ok Rose, no more fabreez in your room!

Got it!?

Ya like i'll remember.

Anyways! To top off my headace I have this syco path who somehow got a hold of my number! Ya now she's calling me and texting me trying to get me to help her solve the meaning of her 'visions' I'm sorry but I don't buy it. For one, she reaks of desperation! I just... ugh

My Mom is helping me out and I copyed down the convo I had with her onto word (sorry but you won't get it I'm already being mean enough) I sent that to my mom and she sent it to our school councler. Ya she's not my problem anymore. Besides I can't help her! I tried to give her the number to my therapist but... it didn't work -_-

Ow *rubs head*

We were supposed to have steakes tonight! But when My Dad and I got home from Karate guess what!? My mom had just arrived home. So now it's 8:58pm and I don't know how long it takes to cook a steak but there just setting up the grill... I hope it doesn't take to long!!!

So I got this sinus infection a while back and so I got some meds for it (yay more drugs... *roles eyes* I take 8 pills a night now and three in the morning) well the meds to help me whith my sinus infection make me sick. I don't know. I'm just messed up!

Ok headace. Overwhelming! Gots to go!!!!
Tootles
~Rose