Hiding under the bed

So today kind of sucked. I was supposed to get my blood drawn at seven (am) and I was really scared so I tried to stay up entill i was supposed to go.

After getting really freaked out AND sleepy I took my meds and slept, deciding that I'm getting my blood drawn either way.

BUT

When my mom came in at six to wake me up (I had to get there at six thirty) I was pretty much dead to the world, so I ended up not going. (YAY!!!) But I have to go tomorrow (ugh)

So anyways, My mom woak me up again for my temperary home school teacher. I got up, got some cherieo's, and sat on the counter waiting for her to show.

When she did show, I was almost finished with my breakfast. She got everything ready on the dining room table and began talking to my mom. I said "I gotta grab something..." In a whisper and walked up to my room.

I locked the doors to my room and the bathroom that connects Matthew's bedroom to mine, and sat on my bed a little while. After that while, with an empty feeling, I got up and stuffed myself under my bed.

Now, most of the under bit of my bed is used for storing my cloths. I have a dwars system there so there isn't much room. I got a few splinters, but I made it there, and waited. Long story short, my mom found me, sent my HS teacher away, and answered a call from my dad (Turns out my cousin Adam is in the hosbitle because of a car crash!!!!!! D,= He'll live though ~Thank God~) I talked to him and all was good.

Skip a few hours and he's home. What does he ask me?

"Why were you hiding under your bead today?"

What a stupid question! So my smart ass answer. Was...

"I wanted to see if I would fit."

"Well then why were you upset?" he asked me.

And I simply replied

"I didn't fit"

~Rose

Best friends *Texting*

Hannah – Je suis tellement malade de le peuple cetter j’asseoir tout pres dans mon quatrieme periode les classes. (Translation I’m so sick of the people that I sit very close to my fourth period class.)

Me - … Whaaa???

Hannah – Tout ce qu’ils font est la malediction sur moi et m’appeler un idiot. Je ils deteste. ( Translation All they do is curse at me and call me an idiot. I hate it.)

Me - *sends picture of bathtub floor* Ducks

Hannah – So you’re not even going to try to figure out what I said. Awesom.

Me – Why do they do that????!?!?!

Hannah – Because they’re Tim’s friends and they’ve been trained to hate me. Every time my band director tells me to move for a piece (cause sometimes we have different parts) the girl next to me goes “jackass” even though everyone else but her is moving too.

Me – I’m sorry =( have you said anything to them about it?

Hannah –And she doesn’t even pay attention, she just reads and texts all class, every class.

Me – It’s probably locked. And I’m cleaning right now, but I can if you really want me to. And you don’t have to get mad at her, just thank her for going out of her way to notice you, but it makes you uncomfortable so you would like her to stop!

Hannah  No because that would start drama all over again. And she’s Tim’s best friend, so that would just start unneccesary drama with him again. But the next time she says it to me, I’m hopeing I’ll have the guts to walk out of class. If you saw a picture of her, you can just TELL she’s a bitch. If you’re online she most deffinetly has a facebook.

Me – I know! That’s why it’s a slight insult! You’re kinda calling her a lesbian!!! That’s how she’ll take it (as an  insult) and if she trys to start something just ask herif she ever gets tyred of being angry and upset all the time.

Hannah – She wears legwarmers to school, her phone case is the rebel flag, and her favorite outfits involve shorts with leggings underneath. Being polite is NOT going to work with her.

Hannah – Rose. She is a lesbian. She’d probably slap me for saying it outloud, but she’s either lesbian or just a plain country slut. I’m leaning towards lesbian. There are a surprising number of lesbian couples at my school.

Me – Well something obviously is wrong with her (now you know that I’m not talking about the lesbian bit) you don’t just act that way and are glad with your life. It’s just not possible

Hannah – But more thean a lesbian, she’s just a bitch. Wholeheartedly.

Hannah – It’s just, she doesn’t quit! She even got our piccolo player Mary (who nobody really likes because she’s self centered and she loves the spotlight) to whisper “jackass” every time she had a spare second while Satterwhite was talking. And I had to sit next to her for 40 minuets.

Me – I bet that she doesn’t have anyone to talk to about the way she actually feels. I bet she has absoutly no plans after highschool. I bet that while were in france/England/everywhere, she’ll be looking into prostitution so she can make a few bucks. You can’t let what she says bother you (and trust me, I totally get how hard that is.) each time someone like that calles you a name just start planning out trips around the world =) name your kids, name the pets we’ll have, think about how your house will look, and how mine will look, link of how your going to have to keep me from going overbord on our apartment! Don’t worry about money and details on how were goin got get there, just think that we’ll be rich by then and we’ll have all the money we want to spend in france and how we’ll get sexy accents. Etc. Just think about how beautiful myou are and think of how those kids don’t recognize how stong you are. Think of how proud I am of you for handling everything so well. =)

Hannah –So, you’re a really good motivational speaker, did you know?

Me – I do it for you =3

Hannah – Thanks :) you’re like the best bff ever <3

Me - =3 why thank you!!!! I wouldn’t be the way I am without you!!! (no seriously, you pick out the little things that have me confused! I can’t live withought you!!!)

Hannah – We’re perfect for each other! We need a shipping name :O

Me - =O YES WE DO!!!! Who’s name goes first!?!?!?!?!?

Hannah – I like Samannah! (cause it’s better than Hannie XD)

Hannah – By the way, that’s pronounced Sa-mannah XD like savannah :D

Me – Oooo I like it!!! =D When I can draw comics can I draw us being all amazing friends and stuff!?!?!? =3

Hannah – Yeees! We can be THE AMAZING BFFS OF SUPER AWESOMENESS *HEROIC MUSIC PLAYS*

Me - =O DEFFINITLY!!! I have to draw the comic when you were really upset and I sighed, layed down next to you, poaked you, and said ‘so I have this amazingly beautiful friend named Hannah, and she’s really upset’ =3

Hannah – THERE YA GO, BUT NOW I’M TIRED AND I HAVEN’T TALKED TO GLENN IN LIKE 4 NIGHTS :(  BUT I HAVE TO GO TO BED. SO NIGHT SISTA.

Me – NIGHT SISTA!!!! DON’T WORRY BE HAPPY!!!!!

Me – Oh and cleaning my room means finding watterbottles!!! And this time there were *drum roll* TWENTY!!!

Hannah – XD good job XD you have too many just lying around XD

Me – XD most of them are empty =3 alright  that’s all for tonight folks!! You don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here!! (night girly) =D

 

I'm sleepy so this is it for today :)

~Rose

I'm underweight, ugh

Alright, since depression kicked in I've lost my appitite. As in, I eat when I'm hungry and I don't when I'm not. Sounds simple right? Well, I've always thought so! But apparently that doesn't work for me anymore :/

Before I lost my appitite i was about a hundred and three pounds (103lb) and as of today I am ninty six pounds. (96lb) it's gotten pretty bad. The lowest I've beed since this all began is ninty four (94lb) and that was yesterday.

Today, right before I peed I weighed in at ninty eight pounds (98lb) I weighed myself again after releaving myself and I had lost two pounds... I really don't see how that works!

Brush Teeth -> weight= 98lb -> pee -> weight= 96lb

What!?!?!?! What is this witchcraft!?!?

Well, in completely different news,
1. I painted my nails a lovely shade of light blue! AND I ACTUALLY LIKE IT!! (I usually hate nailpolish but I LOVE this color!!)

2. I found my favorite childhood barbie doll in a box in the grage!! WOOP WOOP!! I remember she was supposed to be a cllectors doll givin to me from my aunt share bear, but I climed up my closet and got the box down from the top shelf, ripped it opened, and started playing with *drumroll* Cinderella!!! :3

anyways, when I found her she was ickey! So what do I do? Well obviously I strip her of her gross gown (<- how u spell such word!?) took the old rubberband out of her hair. Brushed her hair, washed her hair, then wrapped it up in a towl upon her head. And for the gown, I got some washing machine stuff and washed that off too :) I'm finally putting her all back together now that shes dry!!! I MISSED HER AND SHES BACK!! ALSDKFJ;LDSF

3. I took the shower slidy doors off of my... shower (rudundent much!) There was black mold everywhere!!! GROSE and DANGEROUS!!! ew. Now my bathroom smells like mold :'( my mom's going to clean it tomorrow (maybe) and then we'll fill in the screw's holes and put up an awsom shower curtain with suns and moons on it!! :D Ya, it's exciting!!! :3

That's if for now!! Love ya'll!!!

~Rose

Oh!! And One day I'm going to get a can and name it boog-a-boo. That way I can call it Booger. :3

Somethings Wrong

Hmmm... I don't know what it is... but something is deffinitly wrong here. BACKFLASH

Yester- well saturday, I went down with my little brother Matt and played some football with some of the guys (my age) in the neighborhood. (Hunter and Brandon)

First off, lets get something stright. I was HORIBLE at football! If the ball was coming at me too fast I would: throw out my hands, duck, side step it, or scream. BUT that's not the point of this post.

The point is, it came up that I take karate and Brandon, who is a big ass (<~ sorry!) football player, asked to fight me. I said sure, got in a stance, and waited for him to attack. Now it ended up to be a wrestling match.

The rules were: No punching, No kicking, and you have to pin the other person down for three seconds.

I pinned him down for a second, but he was able to come right back up so he said "Can I add to the rules that to win you have to straddle the other person" and I, not thinking anything of it at the time said "sure" and now I feel, two days later, that something is very wrong with what happened.

BIG REVEAL: When I was six I was molested by a black boy named Maguel. You can get details on that if you want (there is nothing wrong with asking for details it's not like I'm going to go all reated R on you guys) Just ask.

So back to the story, I think I was just volentarily molested, again. WHAA??? I know! It was wrestling!! (I LOVE to fight!! It is SOSOSO much fun to me! And I hadn't in a while so I was all for a wrestling match)

You see, I think this because I almost always had him pinned. I do like to think that I'm 'just that good' but he was a big ol' guy and I'm just a boney little girl. He could probably of had me pinned, though when he tryed to pin me I went all ninja on his butt and got right out of it...

I don't know, but I feel violated, a little lot. *sigh* no more wrestling for me :( oh well, it's a small price to pay to feel secure. Well if I ever wrestle again it will involve Eli... (NO SEX i've chosen abstinance. As in, only my husband will get to see that... side of me.) Or Autumn, she puts up a hell of a fight!! Except she tickles! Whick by the way is CHEATING.

Well I'm done now, hope I didn't freak y'all out. And if you think I should delete this post PLEASE say so. Thanks! Later!

~Rose

Day one of bleh

Hello my lovely's!! I am BACK! :) I guess you're wondering what's hapenedsince I last made an appearence. Well, the light shined down upon me and he good lord himself gave me my happiness back.

Alright, so I'm exaggerating a bit! (but that would be pretty cool!) Here's what's really happpened:

The last time I went to school was on September 9th. It was a wensday (<- I hate spelling that word!) I had a doctors appointment that morning, so I came in at around twelve. Now, Wensdays at my school are only half days, so I arrived at sixth period.

My mom, my counceler, and the vice principal assigned to the last name L-P all made me go to sixth period. I didn't even make it there! On my way down the hallway (that branches off to another hallway that branches off to another that leads to my Honors Bio class. Basically, this was the first hallway right outside the office) I stopped, nearly burst into tears, and seed walked to the nearest bathroom.

In the bathroom I called my mom, and... she didn't pick up. I waited about five minuets for her to return my call but she never did, so I went back to the office.

When I walked in I saw a little sign hanging on the door knob that leads to the nurses office, and that little sign simply stated that "the nurse is out". Keeping my cool I took a deep breath and just stared at that sign before slowly turning away. And, like a fairy god mother, a different vice principal, assigned to some different letters, asked me if I was ok.

That's how I found myself in a chair outside the nurses office. Sadly, people like to know your business, so I had to tell her that I have been majorly depressed. I don't think I'll ever forget the look on her face when I told her that, "yes I've been sick, but it's been completely mental."

The look on her face made me think of myself as a kicked puppy! It made me feel vonerable, so I closed up right away. She kept that look on her face the whole time I was talking to her... I guess I'll forever be a mental case in her mind. Oh well.

So! Ok, back to the chair outside the nurses office! Everyone came to join me! First it was my counceler, then my mom, (did I mention that she did finally call back? Well she did, right as I was talking to the puppy lady, so I got a lovely little speach about how I need to call from the office) and lastly the vp L-P guy showed up. they all refused to let me go home. I had to go to seventh period (band).

I didn't beg, but I kept pointing out things that would keep me from going, I didn't have to right shoes, I didn't have shorts and it was hot outside, I didn't have socks, I don't have my piccolo, I don't have my music, etc. So my lovely mom saved the day *sarcasm* She went home, got all that stuff, and brought it back to me.

All the while leaving me to sit in a seperate office that's dedicated to giving kids the stuff their parents bring them. The bell rang before I got my bag o' stuff, and everyone began swapping classes. Mom arrived, I got my stuff, and I went on my way to the band room.

BUT I made a permenate stop to a different bathroom. I waited in the largest stall, huddled up in a tight ball in the corner, and cried untill the bell rang again, signifying I was free to go.

I went out of my stall and ran into my friend Alana. We don't see each other much, but I freaked out a little when I saw her. I kept reminding myself that she didn't know that I had skipped class, and that noone knew I was even at school except for two people, my counceler and the VP L-P. I left the bathroom and kept my head down; I walked through a large crowd of people, and no one paid me any notice!  I made it out of there and to the libiary with not a single glance in my direction :3

Once at the libiary, I started my first day of volenteering. And life went on.

So there you have it! Day one of utter bleh. It was quite interesting! Well, I'll give you guys more later :) love you all!!

~Rose