Useless

Well I feel 100% useless *sigh*...

I don't know, I just am in a foul mood at the moment. Wondering what I'm going to do with my life and what not.

Should I make a blog on tumblr?
Should I stick it out in life some more and wait for something to happen?
Should I ride my bike into town and try and make myself useless?
Should I waste another day online?

These are my conundrums. There quite plentiful as you can see... whatever.

I'm just upset cause I'm thinking about how unproductive my life has been and it's getting me down.  :( ugh, I need a life.

Well, I have a short story for you... A few days ago I was feeling pretty down in the dumps -not unusual- so I put on the proper cloths and took a walk in the woods behind my house.
There was pretty much no one around -not that there usually is- 'cause it was raining and all that. ANYWAYS, I walked down to my little spot and I just sorta let it all out. I picked a tree and told that tree my insecurities.
Ok, YES, that's kinda sad, but hey! I've always felt more at home when I'm near a tree. When I was in preschool -before I met my best friend Hannah- my best friend was a tree! I spent nearly every recess with that tree!
This is getting depressing... anyways, back to the forest. -keep in mind that it had been raining all day- Well when I first got there I took off my raincoat  and set it on the ground to sit on, but this spider crawled onto it so I kinda dumped that idea...
So instead of risking another run in with a spider I got up and leaned against this skinny tree. THAT'S when I told my pitiful story to nature.
Well, when I was finished my story the tree was leaking water!!  I mean, it had most likely taken on too much water from all the rain. But, it was kinda nice not being the only one crying...

Ok I'm done with this. I'm not making any sense.

~Sammie

It's hopeless

It's called a 'crush' for a reason.

Gosh darn it~ I've forgotten Sam's birthday (and while I'm trying to remember all the birthdays of my 'new' friends, I happen to have a crush on Sam so I must remember his birthday!!)

 Anyways, I'm absolutely hopeless because:
1.) I have no idea where to look on facebook to find out peoples birthdays (yeah yeah yeah, I know, it's sad but cut me some slack here! I only get on the internet to stalk my fandoms!!)
and
2.) As I was trying to figure it out I just so happened to be stalking through his facebook page...

I sped to the x button and closed that tab in record breaking time. Seriously, I should get a medal or something cause that was freaking impressive. And another medal for the blush that currently occupies my features!

Why does liking someone have to be so difficult? UGH -_- I just want him to be mine and to be the cutest dog on couple in the world.

But that just ain't going to happen for:
-He has a girlfriend (whom he loves)
-He is a senior
-He is 18
-He's going to collage next year
-He's ready for more intimate things in relationships, intimate things that I am not ready for
-I'm 15
-I am not a senior, nor am I going to collage anytime soon

Notice how I didn't mention that he didn't like me, for he does. Actually, we kinda feel the same way about each other. We've discussed it. (Never like, actually laying out a pro's and con's list of a relationship between us... more just saying "nope, it won't work. So let's just stay friends")

Whatever.

Actually, there's more of a chance for something to happen between us -that will last (which is what I want)- if we just stay friends for now. I mean come on, how many high school relationship do you know that have lasted for umm I don't know life!?! past high school? (seriously, I'd like to know!!)

*sigh* I needed to get that off my chest. Thanks for reading my inner turmoil XD Talk to ya later guys!

~Sammie
 

My Schooling as of now

*sings* I belong with you, you belong with me, you're my SweetHeart. I belong with you, you belong with me you're my SweetHEART!

Haha! That song is now stuck in my head complements of a commercial about an adorable looking romance movie staring 'Oscar winning Jennifer Lawrence' :P (It's called silver lining or something)

I LOVE watching movies <3 so I'm going to have to look that up!! I can put the link in a somewhere place :)

OK NEW TOPIC :D actually, it's not that exciting :I infact it's kinda upsetting because it has to do with my schooling... or rather, the fact that I'm not doing my schooling... *sigh* yeah, it's not exactly a good thing, that after a year I'm still pretty much at the beginning of 9th grade.
BUT you have ABSOUTLY NO IDEA of how DIFFICULT it is to school yourself! This is so frustrating -_-
I know that I need to get all this school work done, but I have so much trouble focusing on it >.< ! My mom and I -well, mainly my mom- are looking into homeschool co-op (which should help a lot) but I wont be able to do a co-op thing to finish up my freshmen year, so I'll have to do THAT before I can move onto tenth grade (well, duh)

Ok, I'm only half paying attention to this so if it seems like I'm rambling, a am XD

*sigh* I have so much left to talk about, but I don't want to make this to long~

Alright, I'll just finish off with this -the reason I'm distracted- I'm watching 19 Kids and Counting and I'm just oogling at all the cute little kids!!!! I LOVE LITTLE KIDS!!!! <3

One of the things I'm pondering doing (as a job for when I've gone around the sun a few more times) Is being a obstetrician, or being a preschool teacher or kindergarten teacher, or first grade teacher while also being an artist!
Or maybe I'll just be an artist (graphic design, painting, animation, oil pastels, etc.) and baby-sit... *shrugs*
I have so many ideas!!! UGH life e_e

Alright that's it!! Talk to ya later :)

~Sammie

It's been a while~

Hey guys! So yeah... wow it's been a while o.O

So this year I dropped out of the public high school I was going to and began home school. This helped with my depression and stuff.

But what I really want to talk about is boys ;) well, more like boy. A boy that makes my heart flutter... *blush*

But first I must mention a certain nuisance named Eli. Ok so he's not a nuisance -anymore- but that kid really REALLY .... a;lkdjfkdjf. Get what I'm saying here? Yes, this Eli was is the kid who was head over heals in love with me. *cough* before I broke his poor little heart *cough*

Whatever, I just wanted to mention that I DID break up with him, but it was this huge big thing because one of my jerk face friends -she's no longer my friend. I tried to mend that broken bridge but it just didn't work- made it a big thing that BITCH *ahem* excuse me.

Anyways, the reason for the big drama thing is because my jerk face friend read one of my posts -said post has since been deleted-, freaked out, told another over reacting jerk face friend, who, in response to hearing what I had to say on my blog -she didn't even SEE THE FREAKING POST- went straight to a heart broken Eli and told him all about it. *pissed* And that is why I've taken such a long break from writing on this blog.

NOW BACK TO THE MORE INTERESTING STUFF ^_^ Remember in one of my earlier posts -the post 'what the Hell'-  (I changed the name cause I didn't want it to be too easily spotted... anyways) I mentioned a certain... someone... who's name is kinda Sam... and I just so happened to mention him a little earlier in this post and ohmygod *blushes so much I turn into a tomato*

Ok here's the base of our relationship in a quick thingamabob- I like him, he likes me, he has a girlfriend in Colorado. I'm a freshmen, he's a senior, and -I'm pretty sure- she's a senior. I'm not ready -nowhere freaking near- ready for... intimate... um things. He is, she is, and they have indulged in such acts of... intimacy. (Oh dear God I'm such a nerd)

I... it's... ugh.

Romance is always so complicated *sigh* oh well, I'll keep you posted about this strange relationship of mine (I'M BACK BABY)

I should probably tell you that when Sam and I are together we have the most adorable time ever and ohmygod if he were MINE I would die.

~Rose

p.s. I'm just going to let the cat out of the bag, My name is actually Samantha (Samuel, Samantha IS THAT NOT ADORIBLE?!?!?) Everyone calls me Sammie :)

I'm not going to go change the name of all the posts I've written -and signed off of- to Sammie, that girl, Rose (I chose that name cause I loved it) she... seems like a completely different person then the one I am now.

~Sammie

Auto Biography: Spelling

So I was talking to my friends today and... I think I just feel worse. Have you ever tried to get someone to understand your predicament but no one seems to get it?

Well that's exactly what's going on here, and the more I explain it the more everyone seems to back off.

I get that everyone thinks it's weird that I can go out but I don't go to school. I think it's weird too!! and when I explain why that it's 'good for my health and lowers the risk of suicide' they just kind of give me this skeptical look. I've even had someone flat out tell me that they don't believe me. That someone was a really close friend.

That's the reason why I don't really try and explain it very often. I only try with my close friends, and with all the time I put into my explination.... well, it all seems waisted. They don't believe me, and they don't seem to be trying to understand! it's a two way street.

My life, since the first grade, has been some sort of twisted uphill battle. When I was six years old I was led up into the attic by a kid my parents were babysitting and orally raped. His name was Miguel and he was ten...

Untill 7th grade all of my teachers always got on my case about how awful I was at spelling. They would always say that I just needed to practice and study. They gave me packets of words and tips on different study techneques, but by 6th grade I'd given up studying.

It's because of spelling tests that I'm such a sucessful cheater (when I apply myself of course! I don't cheat anymore!!!) In order to pass I had to spell and since I couldn't spell I relied of those that could! It worked too. I passed nearly all of my language arts classes (from first to sixth) with A's ^_^

Hey! Wait a moment!! I stopped cheating in fourth grade!!! Like I said by 6th grade I just gave up! (by the way I had two years of third grade. We moved after my first year of third grade and [because of spelling] I asked if I could repeat the year)

After fourth grade I simply relied on the vocabulary tests to help me pass the class. I dropped a letter grade but I consider it worth it. Freaking out over spelling was just way too stressful! Anyways, I'm much better with my letters now :) halfway through 7th grade words found their blueprints and things just began to kilck!

I gotta say, life is much easier when you can spell!!! That's pretty much it with spelling. It doesn't freak me out anymore (which is extreemly nice) so that closes this chapter of my lovely little auto biography. I'll write more about my life later! Thanks for reading!!!!

~Rose