Tiney Turds of Doom (aka. Ants)

Oh my goodness. THERE ARE ANTS IN THE BATHROOM!!! I am extremely terrified of ants!  (Ok maybe “extremely terrified” is a bit much there but still, in my defense, they’re creepy!) There like tiny little walking turds with pinchers. There such spine-chilling creatures, and I did something stupid to get rid of them. Ugh. Now I have to clean it up. If you’re interested, here’s what I did.
                        
I, being as intelligent as I am, put some honey *gasp* on a paper towel *oh no! This can’t end well* and set it in a corner. *That poor dear* woe is me. (I have a name for them TTD which stands for Tiny Turds of Doom.)
 
Yes yes yes, now I all know that this seems like an absurd idea from the beginning, but hear me out, I remembered this weird thingy that killed the ants in my house from when I was a kid and guess what! It looked just like honey. So, it was only logical that I put down honey. Right? Ya, Riiiiight.
 
Ugh. Well I did, and those suckers started going bonkers. All of a sudden I had bucket loads of ants crawling and drowning in sweet honey. (The poor honey! My heart breaks for Pooh!) I suppose it’s not the worst way to go...
 
I left the honey out for, um... like... five hours. It seeped through the paper towel (*NO?! REALLY?!?!*) yep it’s legit.

Wondering how I reacted when I found this out? Read on my friends:
 
 Me - *walks into bathroom to check the Death By Honey process*
 
 The ants - "hay Bill! Over here! This chick left us some food! Janna inform the base! We’re eating GOOD tonight!"

Me - *lifts paper towel to dispose of* (ok truthfully I just wanted to see if the ants had really fallen for it, and I wanted to see how many I got, and golly I was as giddy as a fluffy kid on his birthday… until I noticed they weren’t dead that is.)
 
Ants - "OH MY GOD AN EARTHQUAKE!" *scatter in all directions*
 
Me - "EEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!" *drops the paper towel and jumps onto the toilet lid*
 
Ants - "NO! Oh Bill, oh poor Bill" *bursts into song* (Only the good die young - Billy Joel)
 
Me - *holds back tears of fear and get up the nerve to run out of the bathroom*
 
Ok you don't have to agree, but those things are pure evil. How are they NOT creepy?! Like little tiny turds I say!  With pinchers! The little boogers even wonder around and horde food like they own the joint! Nothing good comes from there weird turdy ant mess. Well, except for the stuff that
eats them.... *shivers in disgust*

By the way, no offence to anyone who likes these… abominations.