You see, I
haven’t known this because I’m so… out about how I feel. I always tell at least
someone that I’ve had thoughts of suicide when the thought occurs… Yet, I’ve
decided not to do it this time, not to tell anyone.
I always
bother and worry so very many people whenever I release that information. I’m so sick of it! I HATE making people upset. I
HATE worrying others.
I don’t want
depression anymore. I want money so
that my parents aren’t always on edge, so that my mom doesn’t cry, so that my
dad can be healthy, so that… I don’t have to be the only one to talk me out of
suicide.
I’m… disgusted
by my house one hundred percent grossed out with the way things are. I’ve
thought a few times about sending a video in to those ‘fix the house’ people,
but we would never be chosen! We don’t do anything to help the community (other
than spend the money we hardly have). Hell, we don’t even go to church anymore!
I don’t want
to have conversations with myself in the shower discussing the pros and cons of
suicide.
If we
could.. fix, the problem… then I, I… (Fuck it) I wouldn’t be the way I am! MY
ENTIRE HOUSE HOLD WOULD BE SO MUCH BETTER!!!! I don’t hate my life, but I
wouldn’t exactly want anyone else to go through it.
I don’t know.
Part of me hopes that if I post this then someone will magically come to my
rescue. Of course I know that won’t happen, there are only so many good people
in this world, and after that? Only a handful would actually be able to help.
Most likely, I’ll be sent back to my therapist.
No, what will most likely happen is no one will read this and I'll have just posted this to add more crap to this blog.
Ugh, well
thanks for reading my rant. Later guys
~Rose
*p.s. sorry for the language*
I know this comment is a little late, but I like your blog and you, and I really hope you do not kill yourself! I know it can look bad sometimes, but things will get better just wait and see.
ReplyDeleteRose. Rose. Rose. You know I love you to pieces and I would do anything for you. But yes Rose I do worry about you. But I worry about EVERYONE not just you. I worry about Carol not paying attention while reading a book and walking into the middle of a busy highway! And I worry about me tripping down the staris. But I'm always going to be here for you no what and you can always talk to me about ANYTHING!! Love you!
ReplyDelete~Dawson
Aww Rose, it'll be alright. I'm kinda going through the exact same things you are. I pretend to be happy so that nobody worries too. And I guess you could say, I think about suicide too. But in the end everything works out. You just have to get on with life. Things WILL get better. I promise.
ReplyDelete-Madster